Puzzleland: Part 1 – Down a Rabbit Whole

Alicia was happy with her Christmas stocking stuffers. Granny always included fruit, nuts, one trinket and a rolled up magazine. This year, in addition to the walnuts and pecans, Alicia had received a variety puzzle magazine. She munched on a crisp apple while studying the colorful cover.

Enjoy Over 300 Fun Puzzles!

A Wheel of Fortune was tucked into the corner. Each of the four wedges showed a picture of a different puzzle, one of which looked like a crossword. A pretty Spirograph-like image reminded Alicia of an unopened pineapple. The other two were interesting, but Alicia’s eye was drawn to the large blue spinner, whose arrow was aimed at the crossword. She set the apple down on the coffee table, scooted back into the overstuffed sofa and opened the magazine.

Two Of A Kind

Alicia had randomly selected page 43 and was staring at the second puzzle, with its eight curious images. Each image contained five horizontal black bars superimposed over eight circles of varying sizes and shades of gray. The overall effect was like staring at bubbles through venetian blinds. As she stared at the eight images, she began to feel squishy, as if she were becoming part of the sofa. She tried to tear her eyes away. However, she only managed to reach the edge of the page before the puzzle’s simple question caught her attention:

Which two of the eight designs are identical? Answer is on page 129.

“This looks like fun.”

Again, she slipped into the hypnotic trance until a distant shout yanked her back into her firm, skinny pre-teen frame. It was her little brother, Edgar. He had just run into the house, whooping and hollering with his new assault rifle. He was a returning Marine, judging from the “Hoorahs” and mock salutes he was throwing around. The ridiculous orange toy had no negative impact on his imagination. Alicia smiled indulgently as he plopped down next to her.

“Whatchu doin?” Edgar grabbed the magazine.

“I’m looking at a puzzle magazine. It’s from Granny. See?”

Edgar quickly lost interest in the colorless interior. The small print, dashes and boxes were no match for his impending deployment to the tropical island where a nest of terrorists was hiding in trees. Alicia laughed and shooed him away.

She looked at the brown bite mark in her apple and decided to close her eyes while eating the rest. After the final nibble, her sticky fingers idly opened the magazine, this time to page 31.

Cryptograms

“Ooh! I love these.” Alicia tossed the apple core onto the coffee table, licked her fingers and reached for a pencil. The first puzzle on the page was shorter than the others—a two-line string of gibberish ending with a question mark:

“Ha. This is a quote. That Q must be an A.” She began to scribble in the beginnings of the solution:

Alicia muttered as she cycled through reasonable possibilities. She quickly guessed the two-letter words and substituted them for the code. As she filled in I’s and T’s, other words revealed themselves:

The squishy feeling returned. Alicia didn’t fight it. Her brain was feverishly plugging in the gaps, discarding nonsense words, stumbling upon excellent fits—finding “NEVER” and “OF”. The pencil raced through the two lines, sensing the end.

Alicia whooped when she placed the F’s, for the first word burst open the floodgates. She uttered the words aloud, trying to speed up the process of discovery. She wasn’t familiar with how “dear” was being used and thus was unable to complete the first sentence. “Breath”, “life”, “would”, “man” and “living” rounded out the spurt.

Infuriated by the unmatchable missing letters, which always happened when she got to the end, Alicia resorted to the Alphabet Song, while staring simultaneously at GSEKH and GQL. She had the ability to hum through the song, rejecting previously used letters, as well as nonsense that would not fit next to that R. When she reached “P”, she paused. She narrowed her eyes on the page, seeing PRI E.

“Pride! No wait, J’s are D’s. Prime? Price?” As soon as she realized that the M was already accounted for, she committed to “price.” The associative pathways in her brain immediately latched onto “pay” and … she was done.

Alicia didn’t have time to gloat because, in the next instant, she squished out completely.

***

Alicia felt as if she were floating. As her eyes became accustomed to the dim light, she noticed pages fluttering by, as if on wings. She grabbed at one and saw that it was a black and white picture of a jar. On the jar’s label was the inscription:

YSQVZH UQSUQAQJH

She couldn’t make any sense of it, and let the page slip through her fingers. Other pages showed assorted puzzles and word lists. One sheet, just out of reach, had the word Anacrostic above a weird looking crossword diagram. Alicia craned her neck as it drifted past, but she was unable to see the clues.

After a long while, Alicia alighted on a grassy field. She spun around wildly, more out of curiosity than fear. The grass and everything in sight was devoid of color. Even her clothes had taken on a washed-out combination of black and white.

Gray, indeterminate clouds scudded across an even darker shade of gray sky. White, leafless trees slumped here and there, surrounded by scraggly patches of silvery grass. Suddenly, a gray creature popped up, startling Alicia.

“Are you here to rescue us?”

Alicia opened her eyes wide. “You’re talking!”

“Well, how else will I find out if you’re here to rescue us?”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Ah, I shall speak more loudly,” shouted the creature. It repeated its question.

“I’m not hard of hearing, you know.”

“I know nothing of the sort. You just said you were sorry. That’s all I know. Now, are you here to rescue us?”

“Rescue you from what?”

The creature whispered, “The Evil Editor.”

Alicia was unable to make out what it had just said. “I’m sorry, what?”

The creature hissed forcefully, “Blast, child, are you daft?”

“No. I am not deaf. I just can’t hear you when you whisper.”

“Listen!” The creature raised its voice slightly. “We are all in trouble. We have no time for foolishness. Either you are here to help or you are just in the way. Which is it?”

“Who’s in trouble? What do you expect me to do?”

“I just told you. All of us are in trouble. We expect to be rescued!”

“Oh. Well, I just got here and I hardly know where I am. How am I supposed to help?”

“Really, child. You must have solved a puzzle to wind up here. Do you remember doing that?”

“Erm…”

“Magic Square? Nim? Crosswords?” The creature was becoming agitated.

Alicia dimly remembered doing a puzzle. She thought mightily for a moment then blurted out, “Cryptogram! I solved a quote by Mohandas Gandhi.”

“Brilliant! A Gateway, then. Follow me!”


Part 2: Through the Surrogate