\u201cSo, how old were you \u2013 your first time?\u201d Zoe poured two large glasses of wine and we settled into her comfy, overstuffed, silver-and-burgundy brocade couch.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cZoe!\u201d I feigned shock. \u201cIf you\u2019re off the clock, that\u2019s far too personal.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d I\u2019d thrown her off balance. As understanding dawned, her cheeks flushed. \u201cKasi, you\u2019re incorrigible. I meant your first time at the Stone Cavern.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cOf course you did.\u201d I nodded and gave her a sly wink. Zoe tossed a velvet throw pillow at my head and it bounced off, nearly knocking my wine glass onto the floor. Searching memory for an answer, though, brought sobering thoughts. \u201cI guess I was about fifteen?\u201d I said, uncertainly.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWhat do you remember?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI\u2019d been dreaming of a hike through the woods. A rainforest, I think. I followed the river.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWhere were you going? Did you know about the cave?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cNo. I don\u2019t know. I was just\u2026hiking.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Zoe looked at me expectantly. \u201cAnd?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI was hot. I took off my shoes and waded into the water. It was cold as ice, and crystal clear. There were fish. Lots of fish.\u201d I drank deeply, letting the white wine wash over my tongue in a rolling tsunami.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cClose your eyes and think back to that moment. What kinds of fish did you see?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know \u2013 koi? They looked like koi, only they were every color imaginable \u2013 red, gold, even blue, and purple.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cFeel the cool water rushing past your calves\u2026\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cIt wasn\u2019t like that. It was cold. So cold it burned. I hadn\u2019t expected that.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cSo what did you do next?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI followed the path. I saw footprints in the mud.\u201d I laughed, then, at the memory. Carrying my shoes, so as not to get them wet or muddy, I had set my bare feet into the footprints. They were the same size as my feet. \u201cI just followed.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cHow did you feel about finding footprints in the mud? Knowing someone else was there?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI don\u2019t remember. I wanted to know who it was\u2014\u201d Or did I?<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t sound so sure of that.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI was afraid of what I might find. Afraid I was trespassing, I guess.\u201d Trespassing in my own dream. Was that even possible? \u201cThe footsteps led to a path up the side of the rocky cliff.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cTo the waterfall?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYes.\u201d The wine was beginning to have an effect on me. I settled into a mound of soft pillows and tried to remember the details of my first encounter with the cavern. The steady roar of the falls could be heard for a mile, but as I stepped out of the half-light of the dense forest and into the sunlight at the base of the falls, there was nothing to soften its thunder around the edges. Sunlight played at the lip of the falls, where the water bent for a peek at the river below before plummeting 800 feet to shatter into a billion misty droplets. The droplets were like the breath of God, rising in a dancing column of rainbows.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I climbed the rocks to get a better look. Awestruck, I didn\u2019t realize that I was climbing ever-closer to the falls until my foot slipped on the damp stone. I grasped a small tree, growing sideways from a crack in the cliff face, to steady myself. Looking down, I estimated that I had climbed four or five stories. My chest grew tight at the thought of how close I\u2019d come to adding my own blood to the rainbow mist that now clouded my view somewhat. Melded with the terror of that realization was a breathtakingly awful temptation.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
My fingers curled around the trunk of the sideways cedar. I knew it was cedar, though I\u2019d only seen it growing in the Louisiana swamps. As my nails dug deeper into the damp bark, the scent of an old hope chest surrounded me.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I hoped I had the strength not to jump.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n
I pressed my back against the rock, closed my eyes, and willed the bizarre thought out of my head. When I jumped, it was at the unexpected touch of a human hand.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cImagining what it would be like to have wings?\u201d she asked, moving between me and the cliff\u2019s edge. \u201cCome on, let me show you something.\u201d She pressed on, climbing upwards, disappearing behind the flowing veil of water. I\u2019m not sure what I\u2019d expected, but surely it wasn\u2019t this warmly furnished room, roughly cut into the mountainside behind the waterfall. Surely it wasn\u2019t the amber glow of a lamp placed atop an antique mahogany desk. And surely, whatever creatures dwelled in darkness, deep in the dank recesses of a cavern hidden behind a thunderous rush of water, it wasn\u2019t this smiling woman dressed in loose-fitting crimson pants and tunic embroidered in gold thread. Her long hair, the color of polished brass, was pulled back in a careless braid. \u201cYou look\u2026surprised.\u201d She laughed. \u201cWhat were you expecting to find?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cNothing,\u201d I whispered. \u201cWho are you?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI have an awful lot of names, but you can call me Kyliri.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cHow many is an awful lot?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cSix hundred thousand eighty three.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cThat is an awful lot.\u201d No arguing with that one. That would imply that there were others here to call her all those names \u2013 an awful lot of others. That, or the woman had a serious multiple personality problem.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n
Kyliri pulled two tall, slender glasses and a decanter from a niche in the cavern wall. It looked more like a beaker from science lab than a decanter, and she poured a carefully measured portion of a bright, chartreuse liquid into each glass. Wispy curlicues of something that looked like steam and sparkled like mica rose up from the center, forming a tiny vortex. She handed one of the glasses to me, and with a small salute and a nod, tipped the rim of the other to her own lips. I supposed it would be unforgivably rude to blurt out, \u201cWhat the hell is this?\u201d and so I just stood there, staring at it, one eyebrow raised.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cIt\u2019s not poison,\u201d she said, laughing.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWhat is it, then?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cSomething greenish and rather strong.\u201d The woman had a knack for stating the obvious without directly answering a question.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I mustered whatever bravado led me up the side of the cliff and sipped. It was surprisingly refreshing. Green, indeed! It smelled of newly mown grass and tasted of the delicate sweetness of fresh melons, a hint of orchids, the sharp, sunny tang of lemon. It sneaked up my nostrils in a citrusy haze, drowned my tastebuds in an exotic mix of fruits and freshness, and packed the alcoholic kick of a headstrong mule. Before I realized what I\u2019d done, I\u2019d downed the whole concoction.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Kyliri smiled. \u201cCome here \u2013 I wanted to show you something.\u201d She led me over to a large, lazily spinning globe. It appeared to rotate on its axis, suspended in mid-air, blatantly defying gravity as if it were merely a suggestion, not a law. It floated, cock-eyed, around the desk.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWhat the\u2014\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWhat else do you see?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I saw something that looked like a golf ball. It wobbled around the desk lamp, as if studying the light. Just then, an apple bobbed by my hand\u2014without thinking, I reached out, grabbed it, and started to take a bite.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cStop! You can\u2019t eat Venus.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cVenus?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cBad enough you disturbed her orbit.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
The globe that represented earth tilted drunkenly. I opened my hand and let go of the apple. It quickly joined the other spheres.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cOkay, come here.\u201d Kyliri held out a hand. \u201cYou wanted to know what it was like to fly?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I started to shake my head, but she had already turned toward the thunderous roar of the falls. I barely felt a tug as she ran, dragging me along with her. When my feet could no longer feel the ground beneath them, I didn\u2019t dare open my eyes.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cIsn\u2019t it beautiful?\u201d she called out over the rush of air that whistled in my ears.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I opened my eyes. We were even higher than I could have imagined; in just seconds, we were caught between the glowing, swirled blue-and-white curve of earth and the blindingly brilliant stars. I opened my mouth, but couldn\u2019t speak. Couldn\u2019t breathe. As panic awakened and rose up inside me, I began to fall.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cKasi? Kasi!!\u201d I woke to Zoe straddling my chest, pumping my sternum with the heel of her hands. \u201cCome ON, Kasi, don\u2019t you do this to me. Don\u2019t you\u2014\u201c<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cDo what? Stop! Ow!\u201d I smacked her, hard, with my forearm. \u201cOff me!\u201d I felt bruised and a little woozy.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cThe paramedics are on their way. Just\u2014lay there. And don\u2019t die on me.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cDie? What the hell, Zoe?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYou stopped breathing. I couldn\u2019t feel a pulse.\u201d Zoe was white as plaster.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI was falling.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYou were dying.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cNo\u2014yes. Probably.\u201d I focused on Zoe\u2019s face. Her eyes didn\u2019t lie; this was serious.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYou can\u2019t go there again.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cOkay.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
But I would go there again, sooner than either of us imagined.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
“Waterfall in Spring” by Holly Jahangiri. Acrylic on canvas. The paramedics didn\u2019t stick around long. By the time they showed up, my heartbeat was strong and regular. I was upright, rubbing my bruised ribs with one hand, reaching for a glass of wine with the other. Jose shook his head and moved the wine out of reach. \u201cNo more of that for tonight, okay?\u201d He finished taking my blood pressure for the third time, wrote something on his tablet PC, and smiled. All of my vital signs were amazingly\u2026vital.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
The other EMT, a woman, was earnestly explaining to Zoe the dangers of giving chest compressions on someone who had merely passed out from too much wine. If I\u2019d told her about mixing it with \u201csomething greenish and rather strong\u201d before attempting to fly off a cliff, I think one or both of us would have been getting a different lecture. It went on the record that I lost consciousness after drinking half a glass of Zinfandel, and that my shrink friend had a panic attack. The truth would have made for a longer night.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYou sure she didn\u2019t crack one of my ribs? Puncture a lung?\u201d I asked, pointing an accusing finger at Zoe. I was feeling the cocky attitude of one who has recently survived a near-death experience, and now wants to try it again.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cIt\u2019s quite possible to do that, ma\u2019am, during CPR. Are you sure you don\u2019t want to go to the ER for X-rays?\u201d he asked. The paramedic was kind of cute, but lacked a sense of humor.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYeah, I\u2019m sure. I\u2019ve had quite enough medical fun and games for one night.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Zoe began to protest, but the EMT cut her off with a wave of his hand. \u201cYou\u2019d probably be in a lot more pain,\u201d he added, \u201cif you\u2019d sustained a cracked or broken rib.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI\u2019m sure I would be.\u201d I smiled.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n
Zoe hovered and fussed. I surfed the Internet for \u201csleep disorders\u201d on her laptop while she set me up in her guest room. \u201cYou\u2019re not going to be alone tonight,\u201d she said. I could hear her snapping open crisply folded sheets, smoothing them over the bed, plumping pillows for the invalid. I dared another sip of wine.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cFine. Are you sleeping on the recliner? I love you, but I\u2019m not sharing a twin bed with you.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Zoe rolled her eyes and shook her head. \u201cYou\u2019re hopeless. I\u2019m the one who\u2019s going to end up in the ER before the night\u2019s out.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I found something interesting on the weird part of the Internet. \u201cDid you know that there was this Indian monk who meditated non-stop for five years, with nothing for entertainment but a wall, and when he finally got bored to death and fell asleep, he got so mad at himself that he sliced off his own eyelids and threw them to the ground? From the cast-off eyelids, a tea tree sprang up. What I want to know, is, if you saw a tree with thousands of eyelids fluttering from its branches, would your first thought be, \u2018Oooh, let\u2019s pick them, boil them, and drink the water\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI\u2019m never drinking tea again,\u201d Zoe called.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n
Somehow, we both slept. Zoe snored softly in the recliner next to my bed. Though that normally would have been enough to keep me awake all night, I was exhausted. I closed my eyes and instantly began a murky, terrifying dream in black and white, very film noir, in which I was being chased by buzz saws with eyes. I couldn\u2019t run, because I was dressed in a slinky, black satin evening gown like Morticia Addams. One of the buzz saws took off my hand at the wrist, spraying bright red blood everywhere, and declared that we were married.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Suddenly, I found myself in a world infused and saturated with color. Kyliri sat next to me at the cliff\u2019s edge, holding my wrist and my severed hand in her lap. She made the tiniest sutures I\u2019d ever seen. \u201cYou want to tell me what this was all about?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I opened my mouth to tell her how Zoe\u2019s snoring had transmogrified into anthropomorphic buzz saws, but somehow it just didn\u2019t sound credible at all, by this time. As I searched for another explanation for my lifeless hand \u2013 which, strangely, didn\u2019t hurt at all \u2013 she made the final, precise knot and bit it off like a professional seamstress. I knew how a rag doll must feel.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWiggle your fingers,\u201d she commanded.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I cringed a bit, tentatively willing my index finger to move slightly.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWiggle them, I said.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I did, and amazingly, they all worked just fine.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYou took quite a fall,\u201d said Kyliri, not sounding the least little bit alarmed.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cAbout that\u2026\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
She laughed. Her laughter was musical, and filled the valley like wind chimes and birdsong.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI feel like Wendy in Neverland. You\u2019re an evil little Tinkerbelle, aren\u2019t you?\u201d I smiled, but the mischief left Kyliri\u2019s eyes and we dropped the bantering tone.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cIs that what you think?\u201d she asked. \u201cI didn\u2019t hold you here against your will. I didn\u2019t even bring you here, Kasi. Why do you keep coming back?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I looked out over the world of my dream, this world of rainbow mist and rushing waters, where everything smelled of earth and sea and sun and felt like home. Each time I came back, the \u201creal world\u201d felt less real. Each time I returned to it, the colors seemed more drab. The question wasn\u2019t, \u201cWhy do I keep coming back?\u201d The question was, \u201cWhy do I keep leaving?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Kyliri sat at her desk, sketching something. I wandered around the cavern, gazing at the tapestries. When I was tired, the designs seemed to move. Of course, it was only a trick of the light \u2013 but it added a dimension I found mesmerizing. \u201cWhy don\u2019t you restore this one?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWhy are you so attached to it?\u201d Kyliri\u2019s habit of answering questions with questions made me groan and wonder why I bothered asking.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI\u2026\u201d I didn\u2019t know. But the crumbling threads made me want to cry. \u201cIt seems like something that shouldn\u2019t die.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cInteresting. You think the tapestry is alive?\u201d Kyliri put down her pencil. \u201cWhy that one?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
The others, though they were in better shape, did not hold the breath of life itself. They seemed to be doorways and windows, glimpses of another place. The tapestry in front of me, though it was rotting in front of my eyes, seemed the embodiment of everything. The weaver had worked each thread with care and skill, infusing it with the essence of all that was. Yet it seemed neglected, worn out, used up. I sensed that Kyliri could fix it, but she merely shrugged.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYou fix it,\u201d she said.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I laughed bitterly. \u201cI can\u2019t even sew a button on.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cIt\u2019s not hard. Learn. Do it.\u201d She stood beside me, peering at the tapestry. \u201cWhat do you see?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI can\u2019t. It\u2019s hopeless.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cThen that is exactly what it is,\u201d she said, and began to walk away.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWhat do you want me to do?\u201d My voice sounded whiny, even to me.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI told you. Fix it. If you really care about it. Not many do.\u201d Kyliri pointed to the waterfall. \u201cYou see that?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I nodded.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cIt\u2019s time to go,\u201d she said, leading me to the curtain of dancing light. Now and then, I caught a glimpse of the brilliance of stars through a break in the water.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI am not leaping off that cliff again!\u201d I protested.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cOkay,\u201d she said, shoving me through the break.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n
Zoe wasn\u2019t going to be happy about this.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I raised my arms to fend off the assault, but there was no assault. I was gently lifted up by a huge pair of hands and peered at by gargantuan faces full of curiosity.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Squinting my eyes against a painful white light, I moved my legs and arms and attempted to follow it, but the hands held me back from it \u2013 only a few frustrating inches \u2013 while I squirmed.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
When I realized I was naked, I began to yell.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
One of the giants spoke. \u201cCongratulations! You have a beautiful daughter, Zoe. Nine pounds, three ounces. APGAR score, 8.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
If these vocal cords had been more than an hour old, I\u2019d have demonstrated a vocabulary no newborn ought to hear, let alone know. I heard Kyliri\u2019s voice, a soft breeze tickling my ear. \u201cWiggle your fingers.\u201d I wiggled everything. And I counted along with Zoe. I had all ten fingers, all ten toes. I could barely remember how I got here, and what wisps of memory still clung to my brain were fading like second-hand smoke. \u201cFix it,\u201d Kyliri whispered, raising goosebumps on my neck. I still had no idea how to do that, but I had a lifetime to figure it out.<\/p>\r\n
<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
My cheeks were damp. I\u2019d been crying in my sleep. My clothes were damp, too, though \u2013 with bits of dewy mist clinging to the fibers, as if I\u2019d been lying near a sprinkler \u2013 or maybe a waterfall. Something heavy wrapped itself around my legs and arms, holding me down. As I came to, I fought and kicked at it, cursing \u2013 panic rising in my throat. I awoke beating at the air with my pillow, and tripped on the lifeless remains of my blanket as I leapt out of bed, breathless. I knew that I\u2019d had the dream again, but I could never remember the details. I woke with only one thought in mind: \u201cKyliri must be stopped.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I stumbled to the kitchen. Fresh, soul-restoring Sumatra gurgled from the yellowing plastic coffee maker. I reached into the cupboard for a mug. My fingers brushed against the black and white \u201cRTFM\u201d mug, paused momentarily at the caffeine molecule mug, hesitated briefly over the color-changing Descartes, who disappeared as hot coffee changed the words from \u201cI think\u201d to \u201cI think not.\u201d I finally settled on the green \u201c42\u201d and a little tea towel \u2013 I needed answers and I wanted to be prepared for them when they came to me.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I filled 42 with the strong, aromatic brew I thought of as \u201cjet fuel.\u201d Shake it off, I thought. It was just a dream. Truth be told, it had been years since the last one. I\u2019d tried to go back there, once or twice, but thinking about the Stone Cave was as good as putting a wall between it and me. It was like looking at a star. You had to sneak up on it, or not think about it at all. When I was there, it felt as if I\u2019d willed myself to be there; now, it seemed quite the opposite. I inhaled the steam rising from my mug. My fingers, tight and aching with cold and overuse, were suffused with warmth. I looked outside at a clear blue sky and realized it was going to be an amazing day. I tried not to think of that other sky, impossibly blue, shimmering with rainbows in misty clouds rising up from a roaring riverbed at the base of a waterfall. A shiver coursed down my spine. I didn\u2019t need to ask who\u2019d walked over my grave; I felt certain I\u2019d done it myself.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Why, then, did I long to return?<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYou think it\u2019s a real place?\u201d asked Zoe, my therapist. She could always be counted on to cut to the chase.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYou think I\u2019m crazy?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI\u2019m not sure how to answer that, Kasi. If I tell you the truth, I lose out on $95 an hour and some pretty interesting conversations. If I say \u2018yes,\u2019 it\u2019s a violation of professional ethics.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Zoe wasn\u2019t just my therapist. I\u2019d known her since college. We\u2019d been friends so long I sometimes forgot we didn\u2019t share all the same experiences, and sometimes forgot we hadn\u2019t known each other since we were kids. It was a weird feeling. \u201cPretty sure we\u2019ve crossed that line already, Zoe.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cOkay, then, you\u2019re stark raving nuts. Want to grab some lunch?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWho\u2019s buying?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cOh, I\u2019m pretty sure I can afford it after you write me a check for the session.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I sat up on her couch and threw a pillow at her. They were lovely throw pillows, after all.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
We talked over lunch. Zoe ordered the Roasted Pear and Gorgonzola Salad with caramelized walnuts. I had the Ahi Tuna with Wasabi Aioli, Fresh Ginger, and Sprout Salad. The restaurant was decorated with an island motif and smelled faintly of Vanilla Orchids, Plumeria, and White Ginger. I inhaled, closed my eyes, and jumped at the sight of rainbows shimmering in the darkness. \u201cYou do hypnosis, right?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWhy? You want to change a bad habit?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI want to know if the Stone Cave is a real place.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI mean\u2026I don\u2019t know what I mean. I just\u2014\u201d I sought for a word that would convey the feeling. \u201cI just feel like I\u2019ve been there. Not just in a dream.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cD\u00e9j\u00e0 vu, huh?\u201d Zoe raised an eyebrow. \u201cIn this life?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cHuh? What other life?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Zoe exhaled with relief. \u201cNothing. It\u2019s just that I don\u2019t do that new-age-y past life regression stuff. I don\u2019t believe in it.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cOh, now you\u2019re going to get all ethical on me?\u201d I teased.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cIf your great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather is named Ankh Tsekani Astennu or something, yeah.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cEverlasting life close to the full moon god?\u201d I laughed. Zoe scribbled something in hieroglyphics; it\u2019s how we used to pass notes in Humanities. I deciphered, Lunatic. \u201cGotcha.\u201d I shook my head. \u201cI don\u2019t think so, Zoe. Nothing like that.\u201d I didn\u2019t mention that the words \u201calternative universe\u201d had crossed my mind. I didn\u2019t mention a lot of the things that crossed my mind. Like I said, I needed answers. Getting Zoe to send me to the Stone Cave might help me find them.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cOkay. Come to my place tomorrow night. I don\u2019t feel like putting this on the books. Besides, I\u2019ve got a great bottle of wine and no one to share it with.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cThanks, Zoe.\u201d I gave her a quick hug and let her get back to real work.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cSo, how old were you \u2013 your first time?\u201d Zoe poured two large glasses of wine and we settled into her comfy, overstuffed, silver-and-burgundy brocade couch.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cZoe!\u201d I feigned shock. \u201cIf you\u2019re off the clock, that\u2019s far too personal.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d I\u2019d thrown her off balance. As understanding dawned, her cheeks flushed. \u201cKasi, you\u2019re incorrigible. I meant your first time at the Stone Cavern.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cOf course you did.\u201d I nodded and gave her a sly wink. Zoe tossed a velvet throw pillow at my head and it bounced off, nearly knocking my wine glass onto the floor. Searching memory for an answer, though, brought sobering thoughts. \u201cI guess I was about fifteen?\u201d I said, uncertainly.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWhat do you remember?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI\u2019d been dreaming of a hike through the woods. A rainforest, I think. I followed the river.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWhere were you going? Did you know about the cave?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cNo. I don\u2019t know. I was just\u2026hiking.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Zoe looked at me expectantly. \u201cAnd?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI was hot. I took off my shoes and waded into the water. It was cold as ice, and crystal clear. There were fish. Lots of fish.\u201d I drank deeply, letting the white wine wash over my tongue in a rolling tsunami.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cClose your eyes and think back to that moment. What kinds of fish did you see?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know \u2013 koi? They looked like koi, only they were every color imaginable \u2013 red, gold, even blue, and purple.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cFeel the cool water rushing past your calves\u2026\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cIt wasn\u2019t like that. It was cold. So cold it burned. I hadn\u2019t expected that.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cSo what did you do next?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI followed the path. I saw footprints in the mud.\u201d I laughed, then, at the memory. Carrying my shoes, so as not to get them wet or muddy, I had set my bare feet into the footprints. They were the same size as my feet. \u201cI just followed.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cHow did you feel about finding footprints in the mud? Knowing someone else was there?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI don\u2019t remember. I wanted to know who it was\u2014\u201d Or did I?<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t sound so sure of that.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI was afraid of what I might find. Afraid I was trespassing, I guess.\u201d Trespassing in my own dream. Was that even possible? \u201cThe footsteps led to a path up the side of the rocky cliff.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cTo the waterfall?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYes.\u201d The wine was beginning to have an effect on me. I settled into a mound of soft pillows and tried to remember the details of my first encounter with the cavern. The steady roar of the falls could be heard for a mile, but as I stepped out of the half-light of the dense forest and into the sunlight at the base of the falls, there was nothing to soften its thunder around the edges. Sunlight played at the lip of the falls, where the water bent for a peek at the river below before plummeting 800 feet to shatter into a billion misty droplets. The droplets were like the breath of God, rising in a dancing column of rainbows.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I climbed the rocks to get a better look. Awestruck, I didn\u2019t realize that I was climbing ever-closer to the falls until my foot slipped on the damp stone. I grasped a small tree, growing sideways from a crack in the cliff face, to steady myself. Looking down, I estimated that I had climbed four or five stories. My chest grew tight at the thought of how close I\u2019d come to adding my own blood to the rainbow mist that now clouded my view somewhat. Melded with the terror of that realization was a breathtakingly awful temptation.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
My fingers curled around the trunk of the sideways cedar. I knew it was cedar, though I\u2019d only seen it growing in the Louisiana swamps. As my nails dug deeper into the damp bark, the scent of an old hope chest surrounded me.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I hoped I had the strength not to jump.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n
I pressed my back against the rock, closed my eyes, and willed the bizarre thought out of my head. When I jumped, it was at the unexpected touch of a human hand.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cImagining what it would be like to have wings?\u201d she asked, moving between me and the cliff\u2019s edge. \u201cCome on, let me show you something.\u201d She pressed on, climbing upwards, disappearing behind the flowing veil of water. I\u2019m not sure what I\u2019d expected, but surely it wasn\u2019t this warmly furnished room, roughly cut into the mountainside behind the waterfall. Surely it wasn\u2019t the amber glow of a lamp placed atop an antique mahogany desk. And surely, whatever creatures dwelled in darkness, deep in the dank recesses of a cavern hidden behind a thunderous rush of water, it wasn\u2019t this smiling woman dressed in loose-fitting crimson pants and tunic embroidered in gold thread. Her long hair, the color of polished brass, was pulled back in a careless braid. \u201cYou look\u2026surprised.\u201d She laughed. \u201cWhat were you expecting to find?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cNothing,\u201d I whispered. \u201cWho are you?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI have an awful lot of names, but you can call me Kyliri.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cHow many is an awful lot?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cSix hundred thousand eighty three.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cThat is an awful lot.\u201d No arguing with that one. That would imply that there were others here to call her all those names \u2013 an awful lot of others. That, or the woman had a serious multiple personality problem.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n
Kyliri pulled two tall, slender glasses and a decanter from a niche in the cavern wall. It looked more like a beaker from science lab than a decanter, and she poured a carefully measured portion of a bright, chartreuse liquid into each glass. Wispy curlicues of something that looked like steam and sparkled like mica rose up from the center, forming a tiny vortex. She handed one of the glasses to me, and with a small salute and a nod, tipped the rim of the other to her own lips. I supposed it would be unforgivably rude to blurt out, \u201cWhat the hell is this?\u201d and so I just stood there, staring at it, one eyebrow raised.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cIt\u2019s not poison,\u201d she said, laughing.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWhat is it, then?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cSomething greenish and rather strong.\u201d The woman had a knack for stating the obvious without directly answering a question.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I mustered whatever bravado led me up the side of the cliff and sipped. It was surprisingly refreshing. Green, indeed! It smelled of newly mown grass and tasted of the delicate sweetness of fresh melons, a hint of orchids, the sharp, sunny tang of lemon. It sneaked up my nostrils in a citrusy haze, drowned my tastebuds in an exotic mix of fruits and freshness, and packed the alcoholic kick of a headstrong mule. Before I realized what I\u2019d done, I\u2019d downed the whole concoction.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Kyliri smiled. \u201cCome here \u2013 I wanted to show you something.\u201d She led me over to a large, lazily spinning globe. It appeared to rotate on its axis, suspended in mid-air, blatantly defying gravity as if it were merely a suggestion, not a law. It floated, cock-eyed, around the desk.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWhat the\u2014\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWhat else do you see?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I saw something that looked like a golf ball. It wobbled around the desk lamp, as if studying the light. Just then, an apple bobbed by my hand\u2014without thinking, I reached out, grabbed it, and started to take a bite.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cStop! You can\u2019t eat Venus.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cVenus?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cBad enough you disturbed her orbit.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
The globe that represented earth tilted drunkenly. I opened my hand and let go of the apple. It quickly joined the other spheres.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cOkay, come here.\u201d Kyliri held out a hand. \u201cYou wanted to know what it was like to fly?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I started to shake my head, but she had already turned toward the thunderous roar of the falls. I barely felt a tug as she ran, dragging me along with her. When my feet could no longer feel the ground beneath them, I didn\u2019t dare open my eyes.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cIsn\u2019t it beautiful?\u201d she called out over the rush of air that whistled in my ears.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I opened my eyes. We were even higher than I could have imagined; in just seconds, we were caught between the glowing, swirled blue-and-white curve of earth and the blindingly brilliant stars. I opened my mouth, but couldn\u2019t speak. Couldn\u2019t breathe. As panic awakened and rose up inside me, I began to fall.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cKasi? Kasi!!\u201d I woke to Zoe straddling my chest, pumping my sternum with the heel of her hands. \u201cCome ON, Kasi, don\u2019t you do this to me. Don\u2019t you\u2014\u201c<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cDo what? Stop! Ow!\u201d I smacked her, hard, with my forearm. \u201cOff me!\u201d I felt bruised and a little woozy.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cThe paramedics are on their way. Just\u2014lay there. And don\u2019t die on me.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cDie? What the hell, Zoe?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYou stopped breathing. I couldn\u2019t feel a pulse.\u201d Zoe was white as plaster.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI was falling.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYou were dying.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cNo\u2014yes. Probably.\u201d I focused on Zoe\u2019s face. Her eyes didn\u2019t lie; this was serious.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYou can\u2019t go there again.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cOkay.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
But I would go there again, sooner than either of us imagined.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
“Waterfall in Spring” by Holly Jahangiri. Acrylic on canvas. The paramedics didn\u2019t stick around long. By the time they showed up, my heartbeat was strong and regular. I was upright, rubbing my bruised ribs with one hand, reaching for a glass of wine with the other. Jose shook his head and moved the wine out of reach. \u201cNo more of that for tonight, okay?\u201d He finished taking my blood pressure for the third time, wrote something on his tablet PC, and smiled. All of my vital signs were amazingly\u2026vital.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
The other EMT, a woman, was earnestly explaining to Zoe the dangers of giving chest compressions on someone who had merely passed out from too much wine. If I\u2019d told her about mixing it with \u201csomething greenish and rather strong\u201d before attempting to fly off a cliff, I think one or both of us would have been getting a different lecture. It went on the record that I lost consciousness after drinking half a glass of Zinfandel, and that my shrink friend had a panic attack. The truth would have made for a longer night.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYou sure she didn\u2019t crack one of my ribs? Puncture a lung?\u201d I asked, pointing an accusing finger at Zoe. I was feeling the cocky attitude of one who has recently survived a near-death experience, and now wants to try it again.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cIt\u2019s quite possible to do that, ma\u2019am, during CPR. Are you sure you don\u2019t want to go to the ER for X-rays?\u201d he asked. The paramedic was kind of cute, but lacked a sense of humor.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYeah, I\u2019m sure. I\u2019ve had quite enough medical fun and games for one night.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Zoe began to protest, but the EMT cut her off with a wave of his hand. \u201cYou\u2019d probably be in a lot more pain,\u201d he added, \u201cif you\u2019d sustained a cracked or broken rib.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI\u2019m sure I would be.\u201d I smiled.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n
Zoe hovered and fussed. I surfed the Internet for \u201csleep disorders\u201d on her laptop while she set me up in her guest room. \u201cYou\u2019re not going to be alone tonight,\u201d she said. I could hear her snapping open crisply folded sheets, smoothing them over the bed, plumping pillows for the invalid. I dared another sip of wine.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cFine. Are you sleeping on the recliner? I love you, but I\u2019m not sharing a twin bed with you.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Zoe rolled her eyes and shook her head. \u201cYou\u2019re hopeless. I\u2019m the one who\u2019s going to end up in the ER before the night\u2019s out.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I found something interesting on the weird part of the Internet. \u201cDid you know that there was this Indian monk who meditated non-stop for five years, with nothing for entertainment but a wall, and when he finally got bored to death and fell asleep, he got so mad at himself that he sliced off his own eyelids and threw them to the ground? From the cast-off eyelids, a tea tree sprang up. What I want to know, is, if you saw a tree with thousands of eyelids fluttering from its branches, would your first thought be, \u2018Oooh, let\u2019s pick them, boil them, and drink the water\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI\u2019m never drinking tea again,\u201d Zoe called.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n
Somehow, we both slept. Zoe snored softly in the recliner next to my bed. Though that normally would have been enough to keep me awake all night, I was exhausted. I closed my eyes and instantly began a murky, terrifying dream in black and white, very film noir, in which I was being chased by buzz saws with eyes. I couldn\u2019t run, because I was dressed in a slinky, black satin evening gown like Morticia Addams. One of the buzz saws took off my hand at the wrist, spraying bright red blood everywhere, and declared that we were married.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Suddenly, I found myself in a world infused and saturated with color. Kyliri sat next to me at the cliff\u2019s edge, holding my wrist and my severed hand in her lap. She made the tiniest sutures I\u2019d ever seen. \u201cYou want to tell me what this was all about?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I opened my mouth to tell her how Zoe\u2019s snoring had transmogrified into anthropomorphic buzz saws, but somehow it just didn\u2019t sound credible at all, by this time. As I searched for another explanation for my lifeless hand \u2013 which, strangely, didn\u2019t hurt at all \u2013 she made the final, precise knot and bit it off like a professional seamstress. I knew how a rag doll must feel.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWiggle your fingers,\u201d she commanded.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I cringed a bit, tentatively willing my index finger to move slightly.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWiggle them, I said.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I did, and amazingly, they all worked just fine.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYou took quite a fall,\u201d said Kyliri, not sounding the least little bit alarmed.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cAbout that\u2026\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
She laughed. Her laughter was musical, and filled the valley like wind chimes and birdsong.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI feel like Wendy in Neverland. You\u2019re an evil little Tinkerbelle, aren\u2019t you?\u201d I smiled, but the mischief left Kyliri\u2019s eyes and we dropped the bantering tone.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cIs that what you think?\u201d she asked. \u201cI didn\u2019t hold you here against your will. I didn\u2019t even bring you here, Kasi. Why do you keep coming back?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I looked out over the world of my dream, this world of rainbow mist and rushing waters, where everything smelled of earth and sea and sun and felt like home. Each time I came back, the \u201creal world\u201d felt less real. Each time I returned to it, the colors seemed more drab. The question wasn\u2019t, \u201cWhy do I keep coming back?\u201d The question was, \u201cWhy do I keep leaving?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Kyliri sat at her desk, sketching something. I wandered around the cavern, gazing at the tapestries. When I was tired, the designs seemed to move. Of course, it was only a trick of the light \u2013 but it added a dimension I found mesmerizing. \u201cWhy don\u2019t you restore this one?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWhy are you so attached to it?\u201d Kyliri\u2019s habit of answering questions with questions made me groan and wonder why I bothered asking.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI\u2026\u201d I didn\u2019t know. But the crumbling threads made me want to cry. \u201cIt seems like something that shouldn\u2019t die.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cInteresting. You think the tapestry is alive?\u201d Kyliri put down her pencil. \u201cWhy that one?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
The others, though they were in better shape, did not hold the breath of life itself. They seemed to be doorways and windows, glimpses of another place. The tapestry in front of me, though it was rotting in front of my eyes, seemed the embodiment of everything. The weaver had worked each thread with care and skill, infusing it with the essence of all that was. Yet it seemed neglected, worn out, used up. I sensed that Kyliri could fix it, but she merely shrugged.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYou fix it,\u201d she said.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I laughed bitterly. \u201cI can\u2019t even sew a button on.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cIt\u2019s not hard. Learn. Do it.\u201d She stood beside me, peering at the tapestry. \u201cWhat do you see?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI can\u2019t. It\u2019s hopeless.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cThen that is exactly what it is,\u201d she said, and began to walk away.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWhat do you want me to do?\u201d My voice sounded whiny, even to me.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI told you. Fix it. If you really care about it. Not many do.\u201d Kyliri pointed to the waterfall. \u201cYou see that?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I nodded.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cIt\u2019s time to go,\u201d she said, leading me to the curtain of dancing light. Now and then, I caught a glimpse of the brilliance of stars through a break in the water.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI am not leaping off that cliff again!\u201d I protested.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cOkay,\u201d she said, shoving me through the break.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n
Zoe wasn\u2019t going to be happy about this.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I raised my arms to fend off the assault, but there was no assault. I was gently lifted up by a huge pair of hands and peered at by gargantuan faces full of curiosity.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Squinting my eyes against a painful white light, I moved my legs and arms and attempted to follow it, but the hands held me back from it \u2013 only a few frustrating inches \u2013 while I squirmed.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
When I realized I was naked, I began to yell.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
One of the giants spoke. \u201cCongratulations! You have a beautiful daughter, Zoe. Nine pounds, three ounces. APGAR score, 8.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
If these vocal cords had been more than an hour old, I\u2019d have demonstrated a vocabulary no newborn ought to hear, let alone know. I heard Kyliri\u2019s voice, a soft breeze tickling my ear. \u201cWiggle your fingers.\u201d I wiggled everything. And I counted along with Zoe. I had all ten fingers, all ten toes. I could barely remember how I got here, and what wisps of memory still clung to my brain were fading like second-hand smoke. \u201cFix it,\u201d Kyliri whispered, raising goosebumps on my neck. I still had no idea how to do that, but I had a lifetime to figure it out.<\/p>\r\n
<\/p>\r\n
I closed my eyes and tapped into the stone cavern. It was much as I remembered it: its obsidian walls smooth and glistening in the golden light of a banker\u2019s lamp atop a large, mahogany desk. The waterfall that curtained the little studio from view cast shadows and flashes of sparkling light in waves on every surface as sunlight wove through the streams and rivulets cascading like thunder at the cave\u2019s entrance. The overstuffed leather desk chair was a little softer from years of wear. I sat on it as if it were my own, and tucked a leg up under me. The huge globe still spun slowly in its hand-crafted, waxed, and polished stand, suspended in mid-air, as if by magic. If you peered closely, you could see movement \u2013 tiny dots darting across the textured surface like colorful veins. Deep fissures opened and closed constantly; tiny spots glowed red beneath a scorched and blackened crust. Curious, I reached out to touch the globe just as one of those spots became a flare, causing me to yelp in surprise and pull my burnt fingertip away. I rested it on a soothing polar ice cap, which was probably a grave mistake. Several small islands vanished under varnished blue waves.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Restless, I pushed myself away from the desk and wandered around the room. A fascinating array of tapestries hung from the back wall. I recognized some of them; others seemed familiar to me, though I could not say why. One depicted a waterfall atop a cliff, overlooking a narrow river that cut through the rainforest until it was swallowed from view by the dense, green canopy. Exotic birds rose like Icarus, testing their colorful plumage in the sun. Exquisite needlework, but I knew I had only to part the veil of water at the cave\u2019s entrance to see it with my own two eyes.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Another depicted the sprawling city of Houston. I wondered when Kyliri had hung it there; I hadn\u2019t seen the inside of this cave in years, not since long before I moved to Texas. Had our paths crossed without my knowing it? The thought sent a shiver down my spine.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
One tapestry hung limp and faded, its threads decayed and brittle, likely to crumble under the lightest touch. It was further obscured by a light covering of dust motes \u2013 any attempts to \u201cclean\u201d it would surely destroy the last of it. It had not looked that bad last time I saw it, I was certain of that. A sob full of grief and emptiness caught in my chest. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, though they were bone dry. Even now, the great tree in the tapestry\u2019s center stood tall and proud, crowned in foliage. All creatures, great and small, huddled in its shade, looking up to the tree expectantly. Abundant fruits of all kinds ripened overhead. Berries and herbs sprung up from between gnarled roots. Her branches bent to enfold them all, protectively. I held my breath so as not to disturb the threads with even the slightest movement of the air, and stepped closer. Locked within the weave were all manner of tiny insects. Closer, still, I could make out the single-celled organisms. It was a marvelous tapestry; it had been the first Kyliri had woven herself.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cNothing lasts forever.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I jumped at the sound of her voice and nearly crashed into the fragile cloth. \u201cSome things should,\u201d I said. Or thought. Disorienting as it was, I never actually needed to speak out loud around Kyliri.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYou\u2019re getting sentimental with age.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI\u2019m getting old.\u201d I was only forty-nine, but in that moment I felt older than Methuselah.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cThere\u2019s a difference?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cCan\u2019t you fix it?\u201d In my own mind, I looked like a five-year-old asking about a favorite toy, her tear-streaked face upturned and full of hope and faith.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
The finality and firmness of Kyliri\u2019s \u201cno\u201d brought out my inner, tantrum-tossing two-year-old. \u201cBut you have to!\u201d I cried, panic rising. I couldn\u2019t breathe. That tapestry suddenly meant everything to me, because it was everything I\u2019d ever known. \u201cYou can\u2019t just let it die!\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Kyliri studied me carefully. \u201cWhy not?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
A great sense of outrage and searing anger rose in me. My head began to spin like that infernal globe, and that\u2019s the last thing I remember before the crack of my skull against the stone floor.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n
My cheeks were damp. I\u2019d been crying in my sleep. My clothes were damp, too, though \u2013 with bits of dewy mist clinging to the fibers, as if I\u2019d been lying near a sprinkler \u2013 or maybe a waterfall. Something heavy wrapped itself around my legs and arms, holding me down. As I came to, I fought and kicked at it, cursing \u2013 panic rising in my throat. I awoke beating at the air with my pillow, and tripped on the lifeless remains of my blanket as I leapt out of bed, breathless. I knew that I\u2019d had the dream again, but I could never remember the details. I woke with only one thought in mind: \u201cKyliri must be stopped.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I stumbled to the kitchen. Fresh, soul-restoring Sumatra gurgled from the yellowing plastic coffee maker. I reached into the cupboard for a mug. My fingers brushed against the black and white \u201cRTFM\u201d mug, paused momentarily at the caffeine molecule mug, hesitated briefly over the color-changing Descartes, who disappeared as hot coffee changed the words from \u201cI think\u201d to \u201cI think not.\u201d I finally settled on the green \u201c42\u201d and a little tea towel \u2013 I needed answers and I wanted to be prepared for them when they came to me.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I filled 42 with the strong, aromatic brew I thought of as \u201cjet fuel.\u201d Shake it off, I thought. It was just a dream. Truth be told, it had been years since the last one. I\u2019d tried to go back there, once or twice, but thinking about the Stone Cave was as good as putting a wall between it and me. It was like looking at a star. You had to sneak up on it, or not think about it at all. When I was there, it felt as if I\u2019d willed myself to be there; now, it seemed quite the opposite. I inhaled the steam rising from my mug. My fingers, tight and aching with cold and overuse, were suffused with warmth. I looked outside at a clear blue sky and realized it was going to be an amazing day. I tried not to think of that other sky, impossibly blue, shimmering with rainbows in misty clouds rising up from a roaring riverbed at the base of a waterfall. A shiver coursed down my spine. I didn\u2019t need to ask who\u2019d walked over my grave; I felt certain I\u2019d done it myself.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Why, then, did I long to return?<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYou think it\u2019s a real place?\u201d asked Zoe, my therapist. She could always be counted on to cut to the chase.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYou think I\u2019m crazy?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI\u2019m not sure how to answer that, Kasi. If I tell you the truth, I lose out on $95 an hour and some pretty interesting conversations. If I say \u2018yes,\u2019 it\u2019s a violation of professional ethics.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Zoe wasn\u2019t just my therapist. I\u2019d known her since college. We\u2019d been friends so long I sometimes forgot we didn\u2019t share all the same experiences, and sometimes forgot we hadn\u2019t known each other since we were kids. It was a weird feeling. \u201cPretty sure we\u2019ve crossed that line already, Zoe.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cOkay, then, you\u2019re stark raving nuts. Want to grab some lunch?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWho\u2019s buying?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cOh, I\u2019m pretty sure I can afford it after you write me a check for the session.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I sat up on her couch and threw a pillow at her. They were lovely throw pillows, after all.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
We talked over lunch. Zoe ordered the Roasted Pear and Gorgonzola Salad with caramelized walnuts. I had the Ahi Tuna with Wasabi Aioli, Fresh Ginger, and Sprout Salad. The restaurant was decorated with an island motif and smelled faintly of Vanilla Orchids, Plumeria, and White Ginger. I inhaled, closed my eyes, and jumped at the sight of rainbows shimmering in the darkness. \u201cYou do hypnosis, right?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWhy? You want to change a bad habit?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI want to know if the Stone Cave is a real place.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI mean\u2026I don\u2019t know what I mean. I just\u2014\u201d I sought for a word that would convey the feeling. \u201cI just feel like I\u2019ve been there. Not just in a dream.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cD\u00e9j\u00e0 vu, huh?\u201d Zoe raised an eyebrow. \u201cIn this life?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cHuh? What other life?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Zoe exhaled with relief. \u201cNothing. It\u2019s just that I don\u2019t do that new-age-y past life regression stuff. I don\u2019t believe in it.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cOh, now you\u2019re going to get all ethical on me?\u201d I teased.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cIf your great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather is named Ankh Tsekani Astennu or something, yeah.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cEverlasting life close to the full moon god?\u201d I laughed. Zoe scribbled something in hieroglyphics; it\u2019s how we used to pass notes in Humanities. I deciphered, Lunatic. \u201cGotcha.\u201d I shook my head. \u201cI don\u2019t think so, Zoe. Nothing like that.\u201d I didn\u2019t mention that the words \u201calternative universe\u201d had crossed my mind. I didn\u2019t mention a lot of the things that crossed my mind. Like I said, I needed answers. Getting Zoe to send me to the Stone Cave might help me find them.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cOkay. Come to my place tomorrow night. I don\u2019t feel like putting this on the books. Besides, I\u2019ve got a great bottle of wine and no one to share it with.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cThanks, Zoe.\u201d I gave her a quick hug and let her get back to real work.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cSo, how old were you \u2013 your first time?\u201d Zoe poured two large glasses of wine and we settled into her comfy, overstuffed, silver-and-burgundy brocade couch.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cZoe!\u201d I feigned shock. \u201cIf you\u2019re off the clock, that\u2019s far too personal.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d I\u2019d thrown her off balance. As understanding dawned, her cheeks flushed. \u201cKasi, you\u2019re incorrigible. I meant your first time at the Stone Cavern.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cOf course you did.\u201d I nodded and gave her a sly wink. Zoe tossed a velvet throw pillow at my head and it bounced off, nearly knocking my wine glass onto the floor. Searching memory for an answer, though, brought sobering thoughts. \u201cI guess I was about fifteen?\u201d I said, uncertainly.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWhat do you remember?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI\u2019d been dreaming of a hike through the woods. A rainforest, I think. I followed the river.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWhere were you going? Did you know about the cave?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cNo. I don\u2019t know. I was just\u2026hiking.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Zoe looked at me expectantly. \u201cAnd?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI was hot. I took off my shoes and waded into the water. It was cold as ice, and crystal clear. There were fish. Lots of fish.\u201d I drank deeply, letting the white wine wash over my tongue in a rolling tsunami.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cClose your eyes and think back to that moment. What kinds of fish did you see?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know \u2013 koi? They looked like koi, only they were every color imaginable \u2013 red, gold, even blue, and purple.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cFeel the cool water rushing past your calves\u2026\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cIt wasn\u2019t like that. It was cold. So cold it burned. I hadn\u2019t expected that.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cSo what did you do next?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI followed the path. I saw footprints in the mud.\u201d I laughed, then, at the memory. Carrying my shoes, so as not to get them wet or muddy, I had set my bare feet into the footprints. They were the same size as my feet. \u201cI just followed.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cHow did you feel about finding footprints in the mud? Knowing someone else was there?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI don\u2019t remember. I wanted to know who it was\u2014\u201d Or did I?<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t sound so sure of that.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI was afraid of what I might find. Afraid I was trespassing, I guess.\u201d Trespassing in my own dream. Was that even possible? \u201cThe footsteps led to a path up the side of the rocky cliff.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cTo the waterfall?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYes.\u201d The wine was beginning to have an effect on me. I settled into a mound of soft pillows and tried to remember the details of my first encounter with the cavern. The steady roar of the falls could be heard for a mile, but as I stepped out of the half-light of the dense forest and into the sunlight at the base of the falls, there was nothing to soften its thunder around the edges. Sunlight played at the lip of the falls, where the water bent for a peek at the river below before plummeting 800 feet to shatter into a billion misty droplets. The droplets were like the breath of God, rising in a dancing column of rainbows.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I climbed the rocks to get a better look. Awestruck, I didn\u2019t realize that I was climbing ever-closer to the falls until my foot slipped on the damp stone. I grasped a small tree, growing sideways from a crack in the cliff face, to steady myself. Looking down, I estimated that I had climbed four or five stories. My chest grew tight at the thought of how close I\u2019d come to adding my own blood to the rainbow mist that now clouded my view somewhat. Melded with the terror of that realization was a breathtakingly awful temptation.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
My fingers curled around the trunk of the sideways cedar. I knew it was cedar, though I\u2019d only seen it growing in the Louisiana swamps. As my nails dug deeper into the damp bark, the scent of an old hope chest surrounded me.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I hoped I had the strength not to jump.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n
I pressed my back against the rock, closed my eyes, and willed the bizarre thought out of my head. When I jumped, it was at the unexpected touch of a human hand.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cImagining what it would be like to have wings?\u201d she asked, moving between me and the cliff\u2019s edge. \u201cCome on, let me show you something.\u201d She pressed on, climbing upwards, disappearing behind the flowing veil of water. I\u2019m not sure what I\u2019d expected, but surely it wasn\u2019t this warmly furnished room, roughly cut into the mountainside behind the waterfall. Surely it wasn\u2019t the amber glow of a lamp placed atop an antique mahogany desk. And surely, whatever creatures dwelled in darkness, deep in the dank recesses of a cavern hidden behind a thunderous rush of water, it wasn\u2019t this smiling woman dressed in loose-fitting crimson pants and tunic embroidered in gold thread. Her long hair, the color of polished brass, was pulled back in a careless braid. \u201cYou look\u2026surprised.\u201d She laughed. \u201cWhat were you expecting to find?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cNothing,\u201d I whispered. \u201cWho are you?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI have an awful lot of names, but you can call me Kyliri.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cHow many is an awful lot?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cSix hundred thousand eighty three.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cThat is an awful lot.\u201d No arguing with that one. That would imply that there were others here to call her all those names \u2013 an awful lot of others. That, or the woman had a serious multiple personality problem.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n
Kyliri pulled two tall, slender glasses and a decanter from a niche in the cavern wall. It looked more like a beaker from science lab than a decanter, and she poured a carefully measured portion of a bright, chartreuse liquid into each glass. Wispy curlicues of something that looked like steam and sparkled like mica rose up from the center, forming a tiny vortex. She handed one of the glasses to me, and with a small salute and a nod, tipped the rim of the other to her own lips. I supposed it would be unforgivably rude to blurt out, \u201cWhat the hell is this?\u201d and so I just stood there, staring at it, one eyebrow raised.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cIt\u2019s not poison,\u201d she said, laughing.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWhat is it, then?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cSomething greenish and rather strong.\u201d The woman had a knack for stating the obvious without directly answering a question.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I mustered whatever bravado led me up the side of the cliff and sipped. It was surprisingly refreshing. Green, indeed! It smelled of newly mown grass and tasted of the delicate sweetness of fresh melons, a hint of orchids, the sharp, sunny tang of lemon. It sneaked up my nostrils in a citrusy haze, drowned my tastebuds in an exotic mix of fruits and freshness, and packed the alcoholic kick of a headstrong mule. Before I realized what I\u2019d done, I\u2019d downed the whole concoction.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Kyliri smiled. \u201cCome here \u2013 I wanted to show you something.\u201d She led me over to a large, lazily spinning globe. It appeared to rotate on its axis, suspended in mid-air, blatantly defying gravity as if it were merely a suggestion, not a law. It floated, cock-eyed, around the desk.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWhat the\u2014\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWhat else do you see?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I saw something that looked like a golf ball. It wobbled around the desk lamp, as if studying the light. Just then, an apple bobbed by my hand\u2014without thinking, I reached out, grabbed it, and started to take a bite.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cStop! You can\u2019t eat Venus.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cVenus?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cBad enough you disturbed her orbit.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
The globe that represented earth tilted drunkenly. I opened my hand and let go of the apple. It quickly joined the other spheres.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cOkay, come here.\u201d Kyliri held out a hand. \u201cYou wanted to know what it was like to fly?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I started to shake my head, but she had already turned toward the thunderous roar of the falls. I barely felt a tug as she ran, dragging me along with her. When my feet could no longer feel the ground beneath them, I didn\u2019t dare open my eyes.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cIsn\u2019t it beautiful?\u201d she called out over the rush of air that whistled in my ears.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I opened my eyes. We were even higher than I could have imagined; in just seconds, we were caught between the glowing, swirled blue-and-white curve of earth and the blindingly brilliant stars. I opened my mouth, but couldn\u2019t speak. Couldn\u2019t breathe. As panic awakened and rose up inside me, I began to fall.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cKasi? Kasi!!\u201d I woke to Zoe straddling my chest, pumping my sternum with the heel of her hands. \u201cCome ON, Kasi, don\u2019t you do this to me. Don\u2019t you\u2014\u201c<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cDo what? Stop! Ow!\u201d I smacked her, hard, with my forearm. \u201cOff me!\u201d I felt bruised and a little woozy.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cThe paramedics are on their way. Just\u2014lay there. And don\u2019t die on me.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cDie? What the hell, Zoe?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYou stopped breathing. I couldn\u2019t feel a pulse.\u201d Zoe was white as plaster.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI was falling.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYou were dying.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cNo\u2014yes. Probably.\u201d I focused on Zoe\u2019s face. Her eyes didn\u2019t lie; this was serious.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYou can\u2019t go there again.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cOkay.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
But I would go there again, sooner than either of us imagined.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
“Waterfall in Spring” by Holly Jahangiri. Acrylic on canvas. The paramedics didn\u2019t stick around long. By the time they showed up, my heartbeat was strong and regular. I was upright, rubbing my bruised ribs with one hand, reaching for a glass of wine with the other. Jose shook his head and moved the wine out of reach. \u201cNo more of that for tonight, okay?\u201d He finished taking my blood pressure for the third time, wrote something on his tablet PC, and smiled. All of my vital signs were amazingly\u2026vital.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
The other EMT, a woman, was earnestly explaining to Zoe the dangers of giving chest compressions on someone who had merely passed out from too much wine. If I\u2019d told her about mixing it with \u201csomething greenish and rather strong\u201d before attempting to fly off a cliff, I think one or both of us would have been getting a different lecture. It went on the record that I lost consciousness after drinking half a glass of Zinfandel, and that my shrink friend had a panic attack. The truth would have made for a longer night.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYou sure she didn\u2019t crack one of my ribs? Puncture a lung?\u201d I asked, pointing an accusing finger at Zoe. I was feeling the cocky attitude of one who has recently survived a near-death experience, and now wants to try it again.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cIt\u2019s quite possible to do that, ma\u2019am, during CPR. Are you sure you don\u2019t want to go to the ER for X-rays?\u201d he asked. The paramedic was kind of cute, but lacked a sense of humor.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYeah, I\u2019m sure. I\u2019ve had quite enough medical fun and games for one night.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Zoe began to protest, but the EMT cut her off with a wave of his hand. \u201cYou\u2019d probably be in a lot more pain,\u201d he added, \u201cif you\u2019d sustained a cracked or broken rib.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI\u2019m sure I would be.\u201d I smiled.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n
Zoe hovered and fussed. I surfed the Internet for \u201csleep disorders\u201d on her laptop while she set me up in her guest room. \u201cYou\u2019re not going to be alone tonight,\u201d she said. I could hear her snapping open crisply folded sheets, smoothing them over the bed, plumping pillows for the invalid. I dared another sip of wine.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cFine. Are you sleeping on the recliner? I love you, but I\u2019m not sharing a twin bed with you.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Zoe rolled her eyes and shook her head. \u201cYou\u2019re hopeless. I\u2019m the one who\u2019s going to end up in the ER before the night\u2019s out.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I found something interesting on the weird part of the Internet. \u201cDid you know that there was this Indian monk who meditated non-stop for five years, with nothing for entertainment but a wall, and when he finally got bored to death and fell asleep, he got so mad at himself that he sliced off his own eyelids and threw them to the ground? From the cast-off eyelids, a tea tree sprang up. What I want to know, is, if you saw a tree with thousands of eyelids fluttering from its branches, would your first thought be, \u2018Oooh, let\u2019s pick them, boil them, and drink the water\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI\u2019m never drinking tea again,\u201d Zoe called.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n
Somehow, we both slept. Zoe snored softly in the recliner next to my bed. Though that normally would have been enough to keep me awake all night, I was exhausted. I closed my eyes and instantly began a murky, terrifying dream in black and white, very film noir, in which I was being chased by buzz saws with eyes. I couldn\u2019t run, because I was dressed in a slinky, black satin evening gown like Morticia Addams. One of the buzz saws took off my hand at the wrist, spraying bright red blood everywhere, and declared that we were married.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Suddenly, I found myself in a world infused and saturated with color. Kyliri sat next to me at the cliff\u2019s edge, holding my wrist and my severed hand in her lap. She made the tiniest sutures I\u2019d ever seen. \u201cYou want to tell me what this was all about?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I opened my mouth to tell her how Zoe\u2019s snoring had transmogrified into anthropomorphic buzz saws, but somehow it just didn\u2019t sound credible at all, by this time. As I searched for another explanation for my lifeless hand \u2013 which, strangely, didn\u2019t hurt at all \u2013 she made the final, precise knot and bit it off like a professional seamstress. I knew how a rag doll must feel.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWiggle your fingers,\u201d she commanded.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I cringed a bit, tentatively willing my index finger to move slightly.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWiggle them, I said.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I did, and amazingly, they all worked just fine.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYou took quite a fall,\u201d said Kyliri, not sounding the least little bit alarmed.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cAbout that\u2026\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
She laughed. Her laughter was musical, and filled the valley like wind chimes and birdsong.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI feel like Wendy in Neverland. You\u2019re an evil little Tinkerbelle, aren\u2019t you?\u201d I smiled, but the mischief left Kyliri\u2019s eyes and we dropped the bantering tone.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cIs that what you think?\u201d she asked. \u201cI didn\u2019t hold you here against your will. I didn\u2019t even bring you here, Kasi. Why do you keep coming back?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I looked out over the world of my dream, this world of rainbow mist and rushing waters, where everything smelled of earth and sea and sun and felt like home. Each time I came back, the \u201creal world\u201d felt less real. Each time I returned to it, the colors seemed more drab. The question wasn\u2019t, \u201cWhy do I keep coming back?\u201d The question was, \u201cWhy do I keep leaving?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Kyliri sat at her desk, sketching something. I wandered around the cavern, gazing at the tapestries. When I was tired, the designs seemed to move. Of course, it was only a trick of the light \u2013 but it added a dimension I found mesmerizing. \u201cWhy don\u2019t you restore this one?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWhy are you so attached to it?\u201d Kyliri\u2019s habit of answering questions with questions made me groan and wonder why I bothered asking.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI\u2026\u201d I didn\u2019t know. But the crumbling threads made me want to cry. \u201cIt seems like something that shouldn\u2019t die.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cInteresting. You think the tapestry is alive?\u201d Kyliri put down her pencil. \u201cWhy that one?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
The others, though they were in better shape, did not hold the breath of life itself. They seemed to be doorways and windows, glimpses of another place. The tapestry in front of me, though it was rotting in front of my eyes, seemed the embodiment of everything. The weaver had worked each thread with care and skill, infusing it with the essence of all that was. Yet it seemed neglected, worn out, used up. I sensed that Kyliri could fix it, but she merely shrugged.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cYou fix it,\u201d she said.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I laughed bitterly. \u201cI can\u2019t even sew a button on.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cIt\u2019s not hard. Learn. Do it.\u201d She stood beside me, peering at the tapestry. \u201cWhat do you see?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI can\u2019t. It\u2019s hopeless.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cThen that is exactly what it is,\u201d she said, and began to walk away.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cWhat do you want me to do?\u201d My voice sounded whiny, even to me.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI told you. Fix it. If you really care about it. Not many do.\u201d Kyliri pointed to the waterfall. \u201cYou see that?\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I nodded.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cIt\u2019s time to go,\u201d she said, leading me to the curtain of dancing light. Now and then, I caught a glimpse of the brilliance of stars through a break in the water.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cI am not leaping off that cliff again!\u201d I protested.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\u201cOkay,\u201d she said, shoving me through the break.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n
Zoe wasn\u2019t going to be happy about this.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I raised my arms to fend off the assault, but there was no assault. I was gently lifted up by a huge pair of hands and peered at by gargantuan faces full of curiosity.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Squinting my eyes against a painful white light, I moved my legs and arms and attempted to follow it, but the hands held me back from it \u2013 only a few frustrating inches \u2013 while I squirmed.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
When I realized I was naked, I began to yell.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
One of the giants spoke. \u201cCongratulations! You have a beautiful daughter, Zoe. Nine pounds, three ounces. APGAR score, 8.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
If these vocal cords had been more than an hour old, I\u2019d have demonstrated a vocabulary no newborn ought to hear, let alone know. I heard Kyliri\u2019s voice, a soft breeze tickling my ear. \u201cWiggle your fingers.\u201d I wiggled everything. And I counted along with Zoe. I had all ten fingers, all ten toes. I could barely remember how I got here, and what wisps of memory still clung to my brain were fading like second-hand smoke. \u201cFix it,\u201d Kyliri whispered, raising goosebumps on my neck. I still had no idea how to do that, but I had a lifetime to figure it out.<\/p>\r\n
<\/p>\r\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I saw something that looked like a golf ball. It wobbled around the desk lamp, as if studying the light. Just then, an apple bobbed by my hand\u2014without thinking, I reached out, grabbed it, and started to take a bite.<\/p>\n
“Stop! You can\u2019t eat Venus.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":60,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"off","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[5,22,6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-56","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fantasy","category-holly-jahangiri","category-short-stories"],"yoast_head":"\n